• asj

on foxes and listening to yourself



This is a story about how I got the hottest ticket in town - to the ER!


Friday, in retrospect, did start out on a unique note. Went outside early & saw a gopher, some quail leaving feathers, and a red fox circling that oak. Charmed, I came inside to make coffee, journal, start the day.


Worked, coffeed, checked in on homework. Derek, on a Zoom call, talked about "the sensitive axis" and for some reason this made me, who's not much of a crier, teary. He gently reassured me that the sensitive axis is the best axis.


Fast forward to 6:30 pm. He's making dinner and then I hear "Oh shoot." I hear a knife clatter and I'm sure I'll see his thumb detached on the counter. I rush over and he's running it under water. It's a deep cut but he'll be ok.


I say to myself "You're going to be helpful!" I get bandages and send a kid to the cabinet for ointment. I sit him down and then finally realize I don't feel great. Well, that's not helpful. I decide to put myself to bed. On the way there, I realize I can't see because I'm fainting, and I think "But if I run, I'LL MAKE IT!" (Hilarious in retrospect.) That's how I end up slamming into the wall, then hitting the floor face first and breaking my nose. Kid #1 called 911.


The EMTs said my blood pressure was too low so gave me a ride to the ER. They liked my purple streak in my hair (soon to have a match on my face!) and they laughed, hard, when they heard I'd had a sip of White Claw at 6pm. The admitting nurse was like "I'm more of a Truly person" and everyone discussed.


Anyhoo, many bruises earned and lessons learned, namely that if I don't pay better attention to my body and get really humble about listening to it, it'll just turn off the systems. It's ok to have a body and mind that processes stress and dehydration the way it does, and it's good to accept it the way it is instead of trying to change it by yelling at myself to "be more helpful!" Maybe it's more helpful to accept things as they are.


Also, foxes know things.

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